Because Who Understands Santana?
by I Want A Pet Wombat
Summary: The New Directions learn something about Santana's allusive life...although it may just confuse them further. And is Mike driving a minivan? In Lima Heights? While Santana's dressed as a stripper? Simply because who really does understand Santana Lopez?


AN: So I could let it slip that this is my first story, but hey none of you really care if it's my first or my hundredth, right? So let's just pretend that it's my 57th, since that's a pretty cool number. And hey if it sucks, don't be afraid to tell me. I mean it's still a review right ;) It totally counts!

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own Glee or any of their characters. All rights for this goes to the people that own Glee, whoever they are. You will probably be able to tell that soon anyway, they are obviously much better writers than me, but hey I try!

It was a crisp September night, the air was still against the gradually darkening sky. The surroundings were quiet, in fact it would have been considered peaceful if it weren't for the obnoxiously loud voice of Rachel Berry.

"She's late! Does she not know the importance of time management? This would never be acceptable on Broadway!"

"Relax, she'll be here, it's only been five minutes. She's probably just running late." Quinn reasoned with the fuming brunette.

"I'm texting her now. Knowing San she probably just forgot." Puck added, trying to be helpful.

"FORGOT!" Rachel screeched, "How could she fail to remember our annual karaoke night? I put copious amounts of effort into organising a pleasurable evening just for your entertainment and she forgot?"

"Dude can it even be called an annual karaoke night if it's the first time we've had one?" The glare Finn received soon stopped his wonderings. The rest of the group stifled their laughter as Rachel went to launch off in another speech telling them why exactly the night was so important.

"Britt do you know where she is? I mean you are the only one she actually talks to..." Mercedes chimed in, cutting off Rachel before she could start talking again.

Brittany just shrugged her shoulders. "I think she's mad at me since Lord Tubbington ate all the breadsticks she brought over yesterday."

The group's confused mutterings were interrupted with the chime of Puck's phone.

_Im stck wrk. Pck me up? S._

"Her spelling is atrocious! How can any normal human being understand such ramblings?" The group just stared at Rachel incredulously as she stood peering over Puck's shoulder.

"That is how normal teenagers text Berry. Let me guess - you're one of those kids that have to write the whole word and use correct grammar and punctuation, am I right? Of course I am." Quinn answered her own question, "Anyway what does it say?"

"She says that she's stuck at work and needs us to pick her up. Anyone got a car big enough?" Puck asked the group. Mike raised his hand and pulled out a set of car keys from his pocket. "I guess we're taking Mike's car then!"

"Dude why exactly do you own a mini-van?" Puck called from his spot in the middle of the van where he was squished between Kurt and Brittany.

"Yeah why do you have one? I mean it's practical but it's not very becoming. Even Tom Cruise can't totally rock the minivan look!" Kurt joined in the conversation, taking extra care with the nails he had just polished. Mike just shrugged and turned back towards the road.

"Well I think it's sexy!" Tina defended her boyfriend as she wrapped her hand around his arm from her shot gun position in the front seat. The position Sam was still grumbling about 'because he totally called it first and being in Asian love doesn't mean the rules can be changed'. Sam was now sitting next to Rachel, being forced to listen to her ideas for songs the glee club can perform next year.

"Oh there it is!" Puck directed as they pulled up outside a dingy building with a neon sign that read Marcie's. Faint music could be heard from behind the blue double doors marking the entrance. "I'm gonna go in and get her." Puck jumped out of the car and disappeared through the entrance into the pulsing lights revealed behind the doors.

The rest of the group sat in awkward silence as they waited for Puck to return with Santana.

"We could always sing a song!" Rachel suggested a little too enthusiastically. Her suggestion was immediately shut down with unanimous 'No's!' being echoed throughout the van. She huffed "Well does anyone have any better suggestions?"

"Oh when me and San are waiting we play this game where you have to make out and the first one to moan or demand for more loses! We could totally play that! Although San might get mad that she missed it..." Everyone else stared at the bubbly blonde with wide eyes.

"Umm Britt" Kurt said gently causing the blonde to nod her head excitedly. "Maybe that's a game that you and Santana can keep private. In your bedrooms."

"Okay! But me and San already play a game in our bedrooms. You get a scarf and then you..." The rest of the girl's sentence was drowned out by a sudden onset of voices rising up throughout the van. Brittany looked confused at the group but then exclaimed excitedly "Look! It's San!"

Sure enough Santana and Puck were walking out of the grey building. Puck's jacket was wrapped around the Latina's shoulders. The group stared in bewilderment at the girl's outfit. Santana was wearing a black halter neck top that stopped halfway down her ribcage, barely anything more than a bra with a red bow in the middle of it. A matching skirt hung around her waist, rivalling the Cheerio's with shortness; if she bent in the slightest everything would be revealed. On her feet were a pair of six inch black heels and a red bow kept her hair out of her face. She was busily counting a stack of notes in her left hand.

"Aw hell to the no! That girl does not work as a stripper!" Mercedes exclaimed. The girls and Kurt nodded in agreement, the boys were too busy ogling the Latina's ass in her tight skirt, earning them various slaps from their respective girlfriends.

A similarly aged guy approached the duo as they were about to get into the van.

"Yo Lopez, looking good tonight!" The boy whistled, causing Puck to tighten his grip on the girl's shoulder.

"Fuck off Alex" was Santana's practiced reply. "I already told you that I'm busy tonight, you'll have to find someone else to screw."

"I'm offended! Besides you know that I'm with Carlita now. So are these your uptown friends?"

"Sure are, if you wanna go as far as calling them friends." The Latina smirked and Finn had to clamp his hand over Rachel's mouth as she went to yell indignantly out the window.

"Damn they got class. More than you anyway slut."

"Hey! I gots plenty of class. And watch who you're calling a slut you man-whore!" Santana called over her shoulder as she climbed into the van.

"What's with the fucking van?" Santana asked as they drove away. "What kind of teenager drives a minivan! Seriously?"

"Don't ask." Was the only reply she got, coming from Quinn who she was sitting on her left. Santana shot her a look and Quinn just shook her head in return.

"So are we going to the karaoke bar now?" Mike asked tentatively from his driver's position, ignoring the offensive question about his car.

"I think I might go home and get changed first. Just take the next left." Santana said as she elbowed Puck who was openly leering at her.

"So you're a stripper?" Sam asked, trying to understand the situation.

Santana rolled her eyes. "Please! How low do you bitches think I am? All I do is gets my sexy on," She gestured down to her body, "and dance around for a bit. The old rich jerks pay a lot for someone as smokin' as this. They even pay extra if I sing." Santana winked at them. "It's a win win situation!"

After another five minutes of driving and awkward silence the van shuddered to a stop next to a trailer with the paint peeling off it.

"Wait I thought you lived near Kurt and Finn. That's where we went to practise our duets." Mercedes stated with a confused face, trying to recall what happened during their practices together.

Santana laughed. "That wasn't my house Wheezy, that was just some idiot's that left their door unlocked while they went on vacation. They had a good stereo so I figured we could use it." She flashed a smile as if that clarified everything, Mercedes could only shake her head in confusion. The rest of the group were, once again, looking at Santana bewildered. The girl climbed out of the car and darted into the trailer, oblivious to the looks she was getting.

"What are you staring at you old perv!" Could be heard from outside the minivan as Santana screamed at her neighbour. Inside the van the rest of the kids were shooting each other confused glances as they sat in silence.

"So she really does live in Lima Heights. I thought that was just a ploy for attention." Tina said to the van in general after a few minutes of no talking.

"Yeah and she's scary proud of it!" Sam added, looking slightly terrified of the absent girl.

"I thought she said her Dad was a doctor," spoke up Artie "Shouldn't they be able to afford a better place?"

Santana snorted causing the rest of the group to jump, none of them had heard her re-enter the van. "Ha! Maybe if he didn't spend all his money on pot! Besides what's wrong with my place? You think it's not good enough? I will go all Lima Heights on your crippled behind!" Artie cowered back against his wheelchair as Santana's voice escalated and her mood abruptly changed. Everyone looked in surprise as her mood turned once more. "Okay, I'm good to go now, I wantz to be getting my singin' on!"

"Wait...if you're so poor how come you have new clothes on like every day?" Finn asked as they were driving to the bar. Everyone murmured their agreement, slightly shocked that Finn could come up with something so intelligent.

"I just grab them off people's clotheslines. I mean it's not like any of those rich bitches even notice, they have that many clothes anyway!" Santana shrugged, acting like stealing people's clothing was no big deal. Which by now the group realized that it probably wasn't to her.

"I would definitely notice if my clothes went missing." Quinn said firmly, nodding her head to emphasize her point. This caused Santana to smirk as she stepped out towards the karaoke bar from the now stationary van. She tugged on her jacket.

"Hey Quinn remember this? You bought it freshman year from that little boutique at the mall."

"YOU STOLE MY JACKET?" Quinn exclaimed as Santana walked away, cackling triumphantly.

"I will never understand that girl." Mercedes muttered as the group admitted defeat and followed the Latina inside where they would be insulted for the rest of the night. And have food pelted at them. By the offensive Latina of course. Because who understands Santana Lopez?

The End

AN: Well I've actually got nothing to say, so yeah if you wanted an author note you should probably just scroll back up to the top and read my first one. Over and out!


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